1. Get the washcloth. Wring it out. Warm it again under a stream of hot water.
2. To make something suffer is the worst kind of cruelty. I never want to do that. To see something suffer is the worst kind of helplessness.
3. Once, a long time ago, I lost the beloved dog of my youth to age and hip dysplasia. I did not recover for ten years, and even then I only limped along.
4. My husband has never quite believed me when I said I wanted a two-year break after we no longer have our dog. He thinks I will relent, change my mind, yearn. He does not understand, apparently, the breakings of my heart.
5. At first we thought she was getting better, and now we don’t. This is how quickly anything can change: one day there’s a blossom; the next day there is rot.
6. But there’s still hope, right? Things could turn around at any minute.
7. I have always longed for clarity. Don’t we all? I want answers, not questions. The grey river has always been difficult for me to stand in, and I am guessing sometimes I pick the wrong shore because I just want a shore, any shore. I am guessing, too, this is why some people gravitate toward the religions that are strict and narrow, that don’t allow for straying, that provide all the answers and tell a person never to question. I have strong faith, yet I am okay living with a kind of ambiguity related to life. I do believe in God, but I know my teeny brain is unlikely to comprehend how all of His behind-the-scenes works.
8. It’s not easy to let go of something you love.
9. It’s not easy to admit you didn’t see this coming.
10. It’s not easy to know you will never be prepared, no matter when it is.
11. Get out the washcloth, run it under hot water. Press it to everything that hurts.